So I found out yesterday morning that the reason my hours were cut was because I'm not 100% awesome when using the register. That's really their excuse. Which, okay. If I suck at the register, take me off of it. But don't take away my fucking shift because that just doesn't make sense. 

Today I'm going to talk to the sort-of-manager and I will tell her that I don't want anything to do with the register. At all. Whether it's slow or not slow, I don't want to touch it. We'll see if they'll still take away my hours, because if they do, then it's just a personal problem they have with me. 

I was super frustrated yesterday. My day was awful because all I could think about was this lame situation. And every time I thought of it, I got sick to my stomach. I hate worrying about this shit, I hate feeling stressed, and I hate that this is happening in the first place. I don't know how to really deal with this. Part of me doesn't want to care, but this situation is definitely personal and it's getting to me. I was applying for jobs all morning because if there's one thing I won't do is take this shit. I don't deserve it. I work hard, I'm great with the customers, and I do my job. I get frustrated but who wouldn't in my position? The entire thing is unprofessional and unwarranted, and I want out of there as soon as possible.

My family agrees and they're willing to support me while I get this shit settled. I want to sit here and type every little thing about this situation but it would take me a long time and I'm lazy. I work 4-10. Hopefully I leave feeling a lot better than I do now. Wish me luck. 

They keep cutting my hours at work even after I expressly stated, two or three times at least, that I NEED a certain amount of hours. Not want, not would like, NEED. AS IN, NEED TO PAY MY BILLS.

For some reason they conveniently forget and give my shifts to someone else. So it's not a question about saving money. I've been through this shit before, I am not doing this again, I need fucking stable shit or I'm gone.

I had no idea what this movie was about. I didn't watch the trailer, I didn't read the synopsis on IMDB like I usually do, and I didn't even know it was set in Texas. All I knew was that people talked about it at the academy awards and there was a huge buzz. So I checked it out. And it was a complete. mindfuck.

This movie should have been called Three Guys Chasing Each Other because that's what it was. The action/plot began immediately and I was totally not prepared for what was going to happen. I couldn't look away, though. The main characters were a local sheriff (the good guy), the innocent Texan who stumbled upon 2 million dollars and stole it from the site of a drug deal gone bad where everyone died (the not-good not-bad guy), and the assassin trying to find the Texan and get the money (the bad guy).

Meanwhile, this guy, who is quite wise and smart for a local sheriff, is trying to protect the not-good not-bad guy because he's in deep shit and has no idea just how deep. Most of the time the sheriff doesn't make sense, and he stays out of things mostly, but we find out a lot of the story through him. However, my favorite person was the bad guy (as usual):
This guy is clearly a psychopath, although we don't know why. He has his own set of rules that I just couldn't understand. I could not figure this guy out. At all. Every time I thought I had an idea and could maybe predict his next move, I was completely off and he would surprise me, again. His entire character was creepy--the hair, the way he spoke, the way he walked, his weapon of choice... which, btw, I've never seen before. This bad guy doesn't use just any gun, he uses something else. And it's disturbing.

The movie is quite graphic in some parts, and it never got boring. The ending was sad, but predictable in a way. Except for one part-- the bad guy never gets caught. He just comes in, shoots everyone, and leaves. But not before he gets in a car accident and buys a shirt off a kid. I mean what? Why? I don't get it.

I've never seen anything like it, and maybe that's what the buzz is about. It's different, impossible to figure out, and entertaining, albeit weird.

I just read Rachel's entry about her last couple of weeks (days? it doesn't matter) and towards the end she talks about how if she had died that night of the accident (wherein some dipshit almost ran her over on her bike), she wouldn't have had anything worthwhile to be remembered by. She puts it much more eloquently than I just did in her blog but yeah, it made me think.

If I died tonight I would have done nothing worth mentioning. I have not impacted any lives, and if I did, I don't remember, which is a bad sign. I haven't even done any community service that I'm proud of. I haven't rescued any sick animals and nursed them back to health, I have yet to have a meaningful relationship, and I basically have nothing to show for the 22 years I've lived on this damn earth, and it is incredibly depressing.

I always say I want to do do do and have some sort of impact on someone (because isn't that what it's all about) but wanting and doing are not the same. I want to make a difference, however small, I want to take advantage of these short years I have on this planet and fucking do something. As soon as I'm settled in my new place, I plan on making a list of goals I can achieve for the rest of the years and goddammit I'm going to start living instead of existing.

A great post on Iran and what we can do to help.
Un Calitrano Sordo is a great photoblog about a guy who is visiting a remote part of Italy. I love his pictures, but especially his commentary.
If you're into crafts, Craft, Crafy, Craftier is a great tumblr to check out.
And because we haven't had enough of Michael Jackson these past few days: Here he is performing at the 25th anniversary of Soul Train Awards.

Also, I must share my super sexy wallpaper:


ETA: I got a new aim screenname: verbalpulse and new e-mail: verbalpulse@gmail.com.

Hi new friends! If I've added you randomly, it's because I discovered your lj's through a friend of a friend or a special add-my-lj type of community and I liked your entries. If you add me back, awesome<3, but if you don't, I hope it's okay that I lurk shamelessly.

Anyway, I realized just now that two entries back I asked y'all to add me on Tumblr but I never actually linked to it. Go me. Here's the link, follow me, kbai.

Also! I love Kris Allen and Adam Lambert together. Adam is my favorite, probably 'cause I'm partial to eloquent gay men? Either way I find them both delicious and want to be Adam's hag so he can take me shopping and tell me when I shouldn't buy shit. Which, knowing my "style" choices, would be often. But I don't care! I don't even care if I come out looking like an 80's tramp with lots of feathers and leather. I'm willing to sacrifice.


From typelogic. What's your personality type?

I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. I talked it out with my best friend (Brent) and he made me think about things and process what had happened, and really, just talking to him helps me out so much. I don't know what I would do without him, he's my relief, and balances me out so well so that not everything I think about is just one-sided. Does that make sense?

I'll be talking to The Friend In The Last Post very soon and I hope to clear some things out with them. All the other times we've had "issues" (which I can count on my hands) we've resolved them amicably, and that's what I hope happens this time around.

Earlier today I moved WebInspired to my Tumblr, because it's easier, and because with Tumblr I can post images, quotes, videos, etc. that I think are hilarious/awesome/interesting. Tumblr is so easy to use, I love it. Follow me if you want to keep up!

My parents and my grandmother left for a 5-day cruise today, so my sister and I have the whole house to ourselves. Feeding ourselves won't be that much of a challenge because I got groceries the other day, so I think we'll be okay. It's just weird. I imagine it'll be just as weird when we move into our new place and have to fend for ourselves. It'll be new, but I'm confident we'll manage~ I think having Brent there will also help, since he's all domestic-like. Yeah.

Oh! And I dyed my hair and it's not horrible. I'm happy.